Such a reminder for me to be so careful in believing all the stories I tell myself about my poor body (largely fuelled by so much of this scary marketing that my hormones must be wildly imbalanced and my body not growing a baby because my mindset isn’t ‘fertile’ rather than the clear medical diagnosis I have received .....which is not my fault no matter how many times this marketing has made me feel that way!)
I get so drawn into the idea of a fix when I’m at my lowest and most desperate to be a mum that I fall into the trap that maybe if I cut out the scented candles, threw away my Tupperware and took another 29 vitamins...I’d magically be cured of the root problem.
Laura, I am so glad there has been this takeaway. The wilds of the fertility wellness industry are so easy to get lost in - it's a path we need to keep clearing and finding the way home to our body and what feels good and not unregulated dogma.
Such a fab article Helen! Like you, tried everything and actually feeling my healthiest (body that is, mind debatable) but still on this rollercoaster journey. I too think anxiety affected my gut but have also learnt so much about my body in the last two years, got to take comfort in my resilience and strength. Thank you for being such an advocate in this space x
Angharad thank you so much for being here and sharing your experiences. I'm glad you can take comfort in your power and strength - you absolutely should. Sending you and your incredible body a lot of love and hope that your time on the rollercoaster ends soonest x
This is brave and brilliant, Helen. As a society, we're so wedded to this idea that there must be *something* in someone's personal behaviour that's to blame for their reproductive misfortune...if we weren't we'd have to stop and actually reflect on all the things we don't know/what we don't provide for people who go through these things. Fertility wellness really is a wild, wild west. xx
I love how you've written this, the term reproductive misfortune feels so so apt and it fascinates me how it's far more often seen as reproductive failing.
Oh Helen, you have scooped me out of the depths of all of this so many times. There is SO much in what you say. It’s important and so needed. And I come from a nutrition background, as you know! Although not in that anymore, I wrestle with my own infertility and wanting to fix it using the tools I learnt, with the belief that fertility IS mysterious. It must be. I tried everything and anything - and none of it worked. I’ll never know why. Thank goodness for your voice of sanity in all this. 💕🙏
I was also surprised at the advertising that would pop up on social media- Chinese herbs that would ‘cure’ my infertility… heartbreaking and horrid when you’re at your lowest point. I hated that I couldn’t control my infertility or make it better through hard work, research or any other means. I was used to working hard for something and seeing results and it pained/s me that I couldn’t fix my infertility.
This is such an important topic of conversation... and I think vital to bring to the table. As you say... it could apply to any area of health and I’ve fallen foul of it myself. Grateful for you calling out the BS! Keep doing it! Xx
It really is so pervasive isn’t it. It’s wild in whatever life stage and season we’re in! I haven’t even got started on the stormy waters of how we’re told to menopause WELL 😂 I’m like, please, I’m only just coming up for air from infertility. And the ‘advice’ and polarities are strikingly similar.
Thank you, Helen, for this text that reflects so much of what I’ve felt over my five year journey with infertility. I, too, am a yoga teacher and was very much wrapped up in that bubble for the first three years of us trying. For a few different reasons, we didn’t seek medical advice during these first three years. Instead I got warped into all kinds of manifestation and womb healing practices. When I think about the many times I got my period and beat myself up for one glass of wine or whatever that I had in the month prior, it’s just absolutely mindblowing and infuriating. When we eventually sought out medical advice and it turned out my husband was dealing with what prevented us to fall pregnant, it all suddenly became very clear and obvious to me just how ridiculous my self doubt and the „help“ I had sought in the wellness industry had become. Eventually I conceived via IVF after a very indulgent and stressful holiday time btw. ;)
Saskia, I am late to seeing this a I had a little unplanned pause from Substack and now I am back. Thanks for sharing what feels like a very similar experience in terms of us vs the wellness industry. I'm so glad you got there x
Your words are so important, thank you! I have only just started the journey and already feel anxiety of it all creeping in if we are not gifted a swift conception. There is SO much noise out there. When really it IS a mystery and on God’s terms 🩷🩷
Lori I'm so glad these words have found you early in your story and that they stay with you as some kind of counter balance to the noise that pulls us in the opposite direction. Sending you lots of love for this chapter.
The number of people that have tried to DM me to offer their plan for my wellness to improve my fertility outcomes is ridiculous. Ultimately I got pregnant with my daughter (and had an uncomplicated pregnancy) after not really making any major changes to my diet or exercise plan.
It beggars belief doesn't it that anyone with a non medical background could wade into our message space with suggestions that they know how to get us pregnant! The mystery of conception and fertility and how it's perceived is so interesting when we compare it to other medical complexities that people experience. No one would 'slide' into the DM of a diabetic with a plan that would negate the need for insulin.
A brilliant read, thank you so much Helen. ❤️
Biggest takeaway for me?
‘Infertility does not equal ill health’.
Such a reminder for me to be so careful in believing all the stories I tell myself about my poor body (largely fuelled by so much of this scary marketing that my hormones must be wildly imbalanced and my body not growing a baby because my mindset isn’t ‘fertile’ rather than the clear medical diagnosis I have received .....which is not my fault no matter how many times this marketing has made me feel that way!)
I get so drawn into the idea of a fix when I’m at my lowest and most desperate to be a mum that I fall into the trap that maybe if I cut out the scented candles, threw away my Tupperware and took another 29 vitamins...I’d magically be cured of the root problem.
If only it were that easy hey!
Xxxx
Laura, I am so glad there has been this takeaway. The wilds of the fertility wellness industry are so easy to get lost in - it's a path we need to keep clearing and finding the way home to our body and what feels good and not unregulated dogma.
Such a fab article Helen! Like you, tried everything and actually feeling my healthiest (body that is, mind debatable) but still on this rollercoaster journey. I too think anxiety affected my gut but have also learnt so much about my body in the last two years, got to take comfort in my resilience and strength. Thank you for being such an advocate in this space x
Angharad thank you so much for being here and sharing your experiences. I'm glad you can take comfort in your power and strength - you absolutely should. Sending you and your incredible body a lot of love and hope that your time on the rollercoaster ends soonest x
This is brave and brilliant, Helen. As a society, we're so wedded to this idea that there must be *something* in someone's personal behaviour that's to blame for their reproductive misfortune...if we weren't we'd have to stop and actually reflect on all the things we don't know/what we don't provide for people who go through these things. Fertility wellness really is a wild, wild west. xx
I love how you've written this, the term reproductive misfortune feels so so apt and it fascinates me how it's far more often seen as reproductive failing.
Oh Helen, you have scooped me out of the depths of all of this so many times. There is SO much in what you say. It’s important and so needed. And I come from a nutrition background, as you know! Although not in that anymore, I wrestle with my own infertility and wanting to fix it using the tools I learnt, with the belief that fertility IS mysterious. It must be. I tried everything and anything - and none of it worked. I’ll never know why. Thank goodness for your voice of sanity in all this. 💕🙏
The never knowing why is hard to comes to terms with. And, somehow, I have. I always appreciated your insights and thoughts x
I was also surprised at the advertising that would pop up on social media- Chinese herbs that would ‘cure’ my infertility… heartbreaking and horrid when you’re at your lowest point. I hated that I couldn’t control my infertility or make it better through hard work, research or any other means. I was used to working hard for something and seeing results and it pained/s me that I couldn’t fix my infertility.
The ads see everything! We really are under the gaze.
Not being able to make change happen through effort is so frustrating. I’m sorry you’ve been through it too.
This is such an important topic of conversation... and I think vital to bring to the table. As you say... it could apply to any area of health and I’ve fallen foul of it myself. Grateful for you calling out the BS! Keep doing it! Xx
It really is so pervasive isn’t it. It’s wild in whatever life stage and season we’re in! I haven’t even got started on the stormy waters of how we’re told to menopause WELL 😂 I’m like, please, I’m only just coming up for air from infertility. And the ‘advice’ and polarities are strikingly similar.
Thank you, Helen, for this text that reflects so much of what I’ve felt over my five year journey with infertility. I, too, am a yoga teacher and was very much wrapped up in that bubble for the first three years of us trying. For a few different reasons, we didn’t seek medical advice during these first three years. Instead I got warped into all kinds of manifestation and womb healing practices. When I think about the many times I got my period and beat myself up for one glass of wine or whatever that I had in the month prior, it’s just absolutely mindblowing and infuriating. When we eventually sought out medical advice and it turned out my husband was dealing with what prevented us to fall pregnant, it all suddenly became very clear and obvious to me just how ridiculous my self doubt and the „help“ I had sought in the wellness industry had become. Eventually I conceived via IVF after a very indulgent and stressful holiday time btw. ;)
Saskia, I am late to seeing this a I had a little unplanned pause from Substack and now I am back. Thanks for sharing what feels like a very similar experience in terms of us vs the wellness industry. I'm so glad you got there x
Your words are so important, thank you! I have only just started the journey and already feel anxiety of it all creeping in if we are not gifted a swift conception. There is SO much noise out there. When really it IS a mystery and on God’s terms 🩷🩷
Lori I'm so glad these words have found you early in your story and that they stay with you as some kind of counter balance to the noise that pulls us in the opposite direction. Sending you lots of love for this chapter.
The number of people that have tried to DM me to offer their plan for my wellness to improve my fertility outcomes is ridiculous. Ultimately I got pregnant with my daughter (and had an uncomplicated pregnancy) after not really making any major changes to my diet or exercise plan.
It beggars belief doesn't it that anyone with a non medical background could wade into our message space with suggestions that they know how to get us pregnant! The mystery of conception and fertility and how it's perceived is so interesting when we compare it to other medical complexities that people experience. No one would 'slide' into the DM of a diabetic with a plan that would negate the need for insulin.
Thanks for adding to the conversation x